Neopolitan Brownies & Female Pimpin'

This week saw the release of Drake’s video to “Best I Ever Had”.  Undoubtedly the number one song of the year thus far, I had no idea it was about the trials and tribulations of coaching a female basketball team.  I can only imagine what the casting director was thinking as he was auditioning girls for the video.  Considering that Kanye West was the director, I imagine his prerequisites were: girls with the biggest set of boobies ever, preferably natural (for the extra bounce), flexibility a plus.

I ain’t gonna lie and say that I wasn’t entertained by the video.  However, I also thought it was a visual bitch slap to all the girls who have been singing along to Drake’s cut all year long.  You thinking you’re the best?  Please.  Drake just pulled a fast one on you.  I ain’t gonna blame Drake though cause if you agree to be in a music video with your boobies bouncing out of your shirt, then that’s your prerogative… but know that you’re probably perpetuating the stereotypes of girls being “bitches and hoes”, whether intentional or not.  Irregardless, I still think Drake’s mixtape, “So Far Gone” is the best album released all year for his genre.

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Then I come across this video for the hipster girl group The Millionaires.  I watched it and immediately wanted to punch these girls in the face… figuratively, not literally (I don’t condone beating, just shaking).  With the Drake video, you have girls being marginalized to nothing but a huge pair of breasts practically whereas in The Millionaires’ “Just Got Paid, Let’s Get Laid” video, the roles have been reversed where the girls are dominant and the men treated like dogs.

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A reader posted a comment on one of my previous posts and brought up the concept of gender roles.  What’s your take on girls being portrayed as “bitches and hoes” as opposed to “female pimps”?  Personally, I don’t care if you’re a female and you’re out there gettin’ yours.  However, I think it’s just plain nasty and unattractive if you’re a braggadocio about your exploits.  Just as I don’t care to hear about my boys’ exploits with the girls they meet, I’d rather not hear about all the guys you’ve been bangin’.  Reasons for this are I have three sisters of my own whom I’ve always been very protective of and who knows, I might have a daughter of my own someday.  If you’re gonna be female pimpin’ have some class about it.

I know some of y’all are gonna take this the wrong way but obviously, they’re just my personal opinions.  Girls can try and be as big a pimp as they want, but at the end of the day, most everyone will consider them to be a “ho”.  Guys on the other hand can be as much as a ho as they want but they’ll still be looked at as a pimp at the end of the day and definitely seen in a more positive light than females ever will be.  That’s just how screwed up our society has gotten and it probably won’t be changing in our lifetime.  Hopefully things will change if I ever have daughters of my own.

After watching that Millionaires video so many times, it’s actually grown on me… but in the car accident syndrome kinda way.  Like it’s just so disturbing and grotesque but I still can’t stop looking.  Is this what all the kids are listening to nowadays?  Must be so cause these girls are booked on the entire Vans Warped Tour this year.  Sure the majority of you probably think these girls have zero artistic integrity… but damn are they gettin’ paaaaiiidddd off this shit.

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With all that’s been said about gender roles, here’s the recipe for my Neopolitan Brownies.  Just as the name implies, these brownies taste just like Neopolitan Ice Cream.  I didn’t find any recipes for such a brownie online and would like to think that I made this up… but I’m sure someone out there has come up with similar ideas.  Now I’m just waiting on Sprinkles to take this idea and make a cupcake out of it.  If they do, y’all know where they got the idea from!  You can use practically any brownie recipe you like… just add strawberry frosting on top, and marshmallow creme on top of that.  Word of warning to all you diabetics, this is one ridiculously rich and overwhelming brownie!

Neopolitan Brownies

Neopolitan Brownies

The brownie recipe I used came from Cooks Illustrated.  Unlike most brownie recipes that use all-purpose flour, this one called for cake flour which yields a more tender, delicate, and chewier brownie.

Ingredients

1.25 cups cake flour
.5t salt
.75t baking powder
6oz. unsweetened chocolate
1.5 sticks of butter
2.25 cups sugar
4 large eggs
1T vanilla extract

Baking

1. Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Whisk to combine flour, salt, and baking powder in a medium bowl.
2. Melt chocolate and butter in a large heatproof bowl set over a saucepan of almost-simmering water, stirring occasionally until smooth.
3. Once chocolate mixture is completely smooth, remove the bowl from the saucepan and gradually whisk in sugar.
4. Add eggs one at a time, whisking after each addition until thoroughly combined.
5. Whisk in vanilla.
6. Add flour mixture in three additions, folding with a rubber spatula until batter is completely smooth.
7. Pour batter into a 13 x 9-inch baking pan, bake until toothpick inserted into center of brownies comes out with few moist crumbs, 30-35 minutes.

Once your brownies are done, remove it from the oven and let it cool.  Once they’re no longer warm to the touch, frost the brownies with your preferred strawberry frosting.  I used an entire 16 oz container of frosting, but that may be too much for you.  Once you get the strawberry frosting on, throw it in the fridge for a few hours and let the frosting set.  While you’re waiting, download and listen to Drake’s mixtape, “So Far Gone”.  It’s been out for a minute so if y’all have been sleepin’, get on it!!  Courtesy of yours truly…

Drake - So Far Gone... best Mixtape/Album of the year?

Drake - So Far Gone... best Mixtape/Album of the year?

After you’re done jamming out to Drake and waiting for the frosting to set, pull that sucker out and get your marshmallow creme ready.  I used an entire 7 oz container which, again, might be too much sugary goodness for y’all.  Before applying the marshmallow creme, make sure you stir it up real good so that it melts within itself (or even try throwing it in the microwave for a bit) as it makes for easier spreading.  That ain’t saying much cause it’s such a bitch to spread this stuff.  That’s exactly why I suggest you let the strawberry frosting set, otherwise the marshmallow creme will just pull it up off the brownie if the frosting is still soft.

Once you’re done with the marshmallow creme, throw the entire pan back into the fridge and let it set once more.  When you’re ready to cut it, make sure you run your knife through hot water before EVERY cut!  There’s absolutely no way to cut this Neopolitan brownie without it getting messy.  A hot knife will only minimize the messiness.

I baked these brownies and took them to the Hollywood Bowl for the Santigold show.  The family next to us had two young children and when they saw me bust these out of my picnic bag, their eyes lit up.  Even though they didn’t have any desserts to barter with, I gave them my brownies and they absolutely loved them.  Their parents probably hated me for feeding two young kids all that sugar at that time of night though.  These brownies keep pretty well too as I threw them in the freezer  and took what was remaining to the Adele show at the Bowl a week later.

Enjoy!

show hide 3 comments

Charlie - I think it’s interesting how when you see women objectified in Drake’s video it’s no biggie and it’s their fault for subjecting themselves to that, but when men are treated like objects in the Millionaire’s video (and not even to the same extent, it’s not like all you see is their dicks flopping around), you want to punch the women in the face? I definitely agree with you that society is pretty fucked up in terms of our judging different genders, but damn, change starts with your own thoughts!

And shit, Santigold & Adele (with Janelle Monáe?!) in the same week? Lucky man!

yeahmanh - Hey Charlie, thanks for commenting. Sorry I didn’t make it clear that I didn’t want to punch them in the face for objectifying men but moreso for putting out this so-called “music”. I guess I kinda hate that it’s grown on me, especially cause it’s so damn annoying yet catchy at the same time… just got paaaaiiiiiddddd, time to get laaaaiiiiidddd!! With that said, I wish more women would objectify me… treat me like the piece of meat I wish to be… hahaha.

nate - the millionaires are fat.

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